Skip to main content

How to Court a Guy (without losing your dignity)

or what I call my "Flirting Tips."

I have been out of dating department ever since I said “yes” to a relationship with marvelous man (best decision ever). 6 years have passed and I am not really sure if I have the latest news about dating. However, I guess some things haven’t change when it comes to falling in love so let me just give my piece of cupid wisdom.


Source


Truth is, if you are a Filipina, it’s not always acceptable to court a man in the way men court women. Some countries find it normal for women to court a guy, but here in the Philippines, women don’t usually bring men flowers. We don’t do the first move by saying “Hey, can I get yo’ number?” We don’t ask them for a dinner. We don’t make hatid-sundo.  We just don’t. Blame it on Maria Clara who taught us to wait for our Ibarra to make us suyo in the Azotea. Blame it on the society and the culture of dating here in the Philippines. Blame it on yourself, too, for your so-called Filipina pride.

So what a girl to do if she likes this guy so much that she will do anything just to make this guy notice her? (Lucky guy, eh?)

My advice for you ladies is this:

Court a guy without him knowing you are already courting him. Win their affection, but never ever make it obvious, or worse-- ostentatious.

Men, especially Filipinos, have this “macho” image innate in them so in a way they like love to be the “hunter” in this game rather than the “fox”. The worst thing you can do when trying to win the affection of a man is to change the role they intend to play.

Source
So how can you find the balance of attracting a guy without ever losing your dignity as a Filipina.


Disclaimer 1: I am not imposing that Filipinas should court the guy they like. Amid modern liberalities, I still think that Filipinas should be the “fox” in this game, but then there’s nothing wrong in leading the guy to like them. After all, love is never a solo performance. It takes two individuals to create a meaningful start to a love story.
Disclaimer 2: I am not saying that those women who court men in a traditional way (chocolates, letters) lacked dignity. I am just giving tips to Filipinas who don’t really know how to do this “flirting” game.

Going back, here are some tips I can share.

  1. Let him feel your presence, and when he already acknowledges your presence, let him feel your absence. Some guys are blind. They don’t see when a good catch is right in front of them. Sometimes, even if they notice, they try to ignore. What a girl can do then is to make the guy see your existence. Maybe you can smile at him, talk to him, bump unto him. Just let him see you. Then.. when he's already looking, and he already knows your existence, let him feel your absence. This will allow him to hunt you, to miss you, to look for you. In this way, you are being the fox and him, your loving hunter.
  2. Show good sense of humor. Have you heard from a recent survey that most Filipinos would go for sense of humor than looks? I am not surprised at all because Filipinos love to laugh; they love to have a fun attitude for a friend. Men, in general, are attracted to good sense of humor. Who doesn’t want a good companion, right? So, try to make him laugh. Show your wit. Show your quirkiness. Show him the “clown” in you. Don’t be afraid to look foolish. He would love for you to be your own witty self.
  3. Befriend him but DON’T put him on the pedestal. Don’t just settle on putting all your time and attention on him. Remember: HE is the hunter here, you are the fox. Never rearrange the roles. Get close to his other friends as well. Get to know other guys, too. It’s for your own good because you might be missing out on other good guys just because you are so focused on one. Being close to one while ignoring other guys will obviously reveal your intention and it might scare the guy away. Plus, that’s the joy of being a foxy single. You have the liberty to know lots of people, guys and girls alike. Don’t waste your single life on one man.
  4. Show a lot of independence but add on a pinch of dependence. So here we should find the balance of displaying the strength of a modern independent woman and the likes of a needy traditional damsel in distress. Men love independent women, but they also love to be “needed”. In finding this balance, you are trying to lead the guy to lead the courting scene. You are not needy; you just need him at that moment.This will lead him to be the protector, the provider, the leader he longs to be.
  5. Initiate meaningful conversation. My boyfriend told me that my greatest asset is my conversational skills. I am not really sure about that but he told me he became attracted to me because of the quality of conversation he has with me. I guess most guys would agree that they’d rather be with a good conversationalist than a boring sleep-worthy pretty girl. Be interesting enough to keep him interested. 
  6. Be pretty. Having lots of men in my life (I am the only girl in the family, and my band mates are all boys), I've come to prove that men are visual creatures. So try being pretty. Here are some of my suggestions: get a new haircut, wear a dress or skirt, wear some heels, pluck your eyebrows, and put on some make-up. In short, be girly. Be very, very girly.
  7. Be yourself. Let me tell you this: it’s better to be rejected while being who you truly are than to be loved by pretending to be someone else. Men will know when you are being pretentious, and you can never expect to be loved by another person if you don't even know how to love yourself.

I guess that's all I have to say about this courtship thing. My last advice is to have fun, enjoy being single because once you found the one, you can look back at your fun single life and won't have any regrets at all. 

That's it! Hope you learned a thing or two. 
May we all have a sweet, sweet Valentines day!


Love,
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Any thoughts?


Popular posts from this blog

My PIERCINGS- Accidents, Stories, Reasons.. etc.

Elow elow elow Dear Reader! So, today, I bought new set of earrings and I realized, I haven't really talked about my piercing experience. So, I thought maybe I should answer some common questions about my piercings and piercing in general. How many piercings do you have? As of the moment, I have a total of six individual piercings. Three on the left ear, three on the right. When did you get them and why? 1. The first pair was done when I was four or five years old. I remember my father bringing me to a little health center and telling me to just tilt my head and that was it. I don't have much to say about this piercing because it was like a "default" kind of thing - sort of a tradition or one of those mandatory things a girl has to go through-  so nothing special in this pair. Also, I was too young to remember how it felt like. Too young to even comprehend. But I remember being happy having the privilege to wear such pretty gold earrings. I had the rest ...
10 comments
Read more

Kulot Not Salot: My Curly Hair Routine

I'm still surprised when friends won't believe when I tell them my hair is naturally curly and that I never had a digi perm or any curling method done. People have been seeing me with rebonded straight hair for the past 12 years, (I thought it was only 10) and they have kind of believed my hair is naturally straight. And frankly, I, too, have forgotten how I looked like with curly hair. I have to rummage a box of old photos to help me remember how my curls looked like a decade ago and why do I even have it straightened. Was it that bad? After almost an hour of looking for old photos of my natural curls- this I realized to my chagrin - I rarely wore my curly hair down when I was a teenager. That was basically the reason why I had my hair rebonded. I did not know what to do with my curls. I did not know how to maximize my curls, its beauty, how to style it, how to play with it. And also- hair entails personality. You see, living in this country,...
2 comments
Read more

TURNING PAGES: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

When I was in kindergarten, I had a hard time understanding Math specifically the lesson in  “greater than- less than-equal to” equations. My mother, being a teacher, helped me understand the lesson by using analogy . In a manner of storytelling, she told me that the sign corresponding greater than/less than/equal to is  Pacman  (the famous computer game back then), while the numbers in the equation represent the amount of apples . She told me I have to point Pacman’s mouth to the larger amount so he can eat more apples. I never failed at greater than/less than/equal to lesson ever again. SOURCE: h ttp://prekandksharing.blogspot.com/2012/08/montessori-inspired-greater-than-less.html Outliers  by Malcolm Gladwell is a lot like my mom’s way of teaching me Math. It is composed of analogies and stories that helped me understand the wisdom behind success. It will not tell you what to do, it will ask you to analyze the roots of success and w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Happiness and All in Between

Source Life is freaking awesome, let me just say that. I’m happy to finally say I am happy (forgive the redundancy). I am so overwhelmed with all the blessings I see around me. Much more, I am filled with peace which is far too precious than any other material things in this world. Last night, while I was doing my “journaling” routine, I reviewed my bucket list I made at the beginning of the year. I called it “PUSH MO YAN, GIRL” list. Three of them I already ticked off including the last one which says “BE HAPPY.” For the past two years, I feel stuck. I don't really know what to do with my life. Along with my self-imposed crisis, I felt truly unhappy, but God has helped me make better decisions in life that has led me to find happiness with who I was, who I am, and who I want to be in the future. Now, I feel so much better- the best version I could ever be since my quarter life has began and I am no longer afraid of my dreams. I am no longer at lost, I think.  Large part o...
2 comments
Read more

Inspired by Mona Lisa Smile: Christian Dior Rouge Dolce Vita 014

Once a gay friend told me, "Red lipstick is so back then." I immediately replied back and told him a true lady would say otherwise. For a real woman, red lipstick is a timeless weapon to look and feel beautiful. My first lipstick is a red one and up until now, even if I have other shades of lipsticks, red will always be on my stash. So, today, I thought of highlighting the most precious red lipstick I own, my precious baby,  Christian Dior’s Rouge Dolce Vita in #014. Timeless as it is, the inspiration for today's lipstick is the movie The Mona Lisa Smile which is set in 1950's. Just like the girls in the movie,  Christian Dior’s Rouge Dolce Vita in #014 is not in-your-face retro red lipstick because it has a slight hint of orange. Source "That's a snapshot"- Mona Lisa Smile It has a semi-matte finish but very creamy, it glides smoothly on the lips when applied. This is not for the faint heart because it is too striking and...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bicol

This is another travelogue I found on my drafts. Just want to publish it 'coz "sayang naman" Again, more on photologs so bare with us.  
Post a Comment
Read more

Inspired by Legally Blonde: Pink and Marvellous

Since this blog is unexpectedly becoming a nail fetish den, I would like to give you yet another nail design inspired by a movie. Just on my previous post, I was talking about Miss Elle Woods and her affirmation that a manicure makes a girl feel better no matter what (although technically, it was her friends who told her that). It was a funny affirmation but there is truth to it. So, today, I thought of dedicating this pink nail design to Miss Elle Woods, our Legally Blonde. . I was a young high school girl when I first saw the movie Legally Blonde and it is one of my favorite movies back then. I also made a high school movie review for our English subject. That's how I love this movie. Miss Elle Woods is definitely a pink girl, thus the pink nails. I add some pink animal print to the design because she is a certified pet lover to her lovely dog, Bruiser Woods, and she really loves to accent her strike on pink environment with a pink animal print. She also doesn'...
Post a Comment
Read more