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How to Court a Guy (without losing your dignity)

or what I call my "Flirting Tips."

I have been out of dating department ever since I said “yes” to a relationship with marvelous man (best decision ever). 6 years have passed and I am not really sure if I have the latest news about dating. However, I guess some things haven’t change when it comes to falling in love so let me just give my piece of cupid wisdom.


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Truth is, if you are a Filipina, it’s not always acceptable to court a man in the way men court women. Some countries find it normal for women to court a guy, but here in the Philippines, women don’t usually bring men flowers. We don’t do the first move by saying “Hey, can I get yo’ number?” We don’t ask them for a dinner. We don’t make hatid-sundo.  We just don’t. Blame it on Maria Clara who taught us to wait for our Ibarra to make us suyo in the Azotea. Blame it on the society and the culture of dating here in the Philippines. Blame it on yourself, too, for your so-called Filipina pride.

So what a girl to do if she likes this guy so much that she will do anything just to make this guy notice her? (Lucky guy, eh?)

My advice for you ladies is this:

Court a guy without him knowing you are already courting him. Win their affection, but never ever make it obvious, or worse-- ostentatious.

Men, especially Filipinos, have this “macho” image innate in them so in a way they like love to be the “hunter” in this game rather than the “fox”. The worst thing you can do when trying to win the affection of a man is to change the role they intend to play.

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So how can you find the balance of attracting a guy without ever losing your dignity as a Filipina.


Disclaimer 1: I am not imposing that Filipinas should court the guy they like. Amid modern liberalities, I still think that Filipinas should be the “fox” in this game, but then there’s nothing wrong in leading the guy to like them. After all, love is never a solo performance. It takes two individuals to create a meaningful start to a love story.
Disclaimer 2: I am not saying that those women who court men in a traditional way (chocolates, letters) lacked dignity. I am just giving tips to Filipinas who don’t really know how to do this “flirting” game.

Going back, here are some tips I can share.

  1. Let him feel your presence, and when he already acknowledges your presence, let him feel your absence. Some guys are blind. They don’t see when a good catch is right in front of them. Sometimes, even if they notice, they try to ignore. What a girl can do then is to make the guy see your existence. Maybe you can smile at him, talk to him, bump unto him. Just let him see you. Then.. when he's already looking, and he already knows your existence, let him feel your absence. This will allow him to hunt you, to miss you, to look for you. In this way, you are being the fox and him, your loving hunter.
  2. Show good sense of humor. Have you heard from a recent survey that most Filipinos would go for sense of humor than looks? I am not surprised at all because Filipinos love to laugh; they love to have a fun attitude for a friend. Men, in general, are attracted to good sense of humor. Who doesn’t want a good companion, right? So, try to make him laugh. Show your wit. Show your quirkiness. Show him the “clown” in you. Don’t be afraid to look foolish. He would love for you to be your own witty self.
  3. Befriend him but DON’T put him on the pedestal. Don’t just settle on putting all your time and attention on him. Remember: HE is the hunter here, you are the fox. Never rearrange the roles. Get close to his other friends as well. Get to know other guys, too. It’s for your own good because you might be missing out on other good guys just because you are so focused on one. Being close to one while ignoring other guys will obviously reveal your intention and it might scare the guy away. Plus, that’s the joy of being a foxy single. You have the liberty to know lots of people, guys and girls alike. Don’t waste your single life on one man.
  4. Show a lot of independence but add on a pinch of dependence. So here we should find the balance of displaying the strength of a modern independent woman and the likes of a needy traditional damsel in distress. Men love independent women, but they also love to be “needed”. In finding this balance, you are trying to lead the guy to lead the courting scene. You are not needy; you just need him at that moment.This will lead him to be the protector, the provider, the leader he longs to be.
  5. Initiate meaningful conversation. My boyfriend told me that my greatest asset is my conversational skills. I am not really sure about that but he told me he became attracted to me because of the quality of conversation he has with me. I guess most guys would agree that they’d rather be with a good conversationalist than a boring sleep-worthy pretty girl. Be interesting enough to keep him interested. 
  6. Be pretty. Having lots of men in my life (I am the only girl in the family, and my band mates are all boys), I've come to prove that men are visual creatures. So try being pretty. Here are some of my suggestions: get a new haircut, wear a dress or skirt, wear some heels, pluck your eyebrows, and put on some make-up. In short, be girly. Be very, very girly.
  7. Be yourself. Let me tell you this: it’s better to be rejected while being who you truly are than to be loved by pretending to be someone else. Men will know when you are being pretentious, and you can never expect to be loved by another person if you don't even know how to love yourself.

I guess that's all I have to say about this courtship thing. My last advice is to have fun, enjoy being single because once you found the one, you can look back at your fun single life and won't have any regrets at all. 

That's it! Hope you learned a thing or two. 
May we all have a sweet, sweet Valentines day!


Love,
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